Thursday, May 10, 2012

A laugh from a commenter on Frum Satire

See here.

"Simeon the Just May 7, 2012 at 2:09 PM

Having just arrived in the TARDIS from the Temple in Jerusalem (where I live in the year 3465), I am certainly going to p--- off those crazy people in the black hats who pretend to be Jewish.

As high priest, I know that the only proper way to show devotion to God is through sacrifice. We always use musical instruments on Shabbat and Yom Tovim to demonstrate our joy. While we say Shema, and the blessings before and after shema, as well as an 18 blessing prayer, all the rest of your siddur is corrupted by what I am told are “piyyutim” written a thousand years after my time, even after the time of your Gemarah, and a few psalms. We could finish the morning prayers in five minutes, not including the time for sacrifice.

Also, this whole “kashrut” industry is absurd. Our meat came from the temple, but nobody had two separate sets of dishes, much less separate sinks. Most people were lucky if they had one set of dishes. Nobody was checking for bugs on lettuce with lightboxes since Edison hadn’t invented light bulbs yet. We ate our vegetables and we were happy to have them, and we would have loved to have corn on Pesach, since we didn’t have corn (which is a new world food) and only an idiot would confuse corn and wheat.

Finally, those black hats are dressed completely inappropriately. Jews don’t wear those kind of clothes. We dress in tunics and girdles, with a mantle and maybe a headdress for the wealthy (but no black hats please). Almost everyone wears sandals.

The black hats have made up so many commandments that were not given to us by God that they are clearly heretics.


Blogger AztecQueen2000 said...

Isn't black clothing chukas l'goyim anyway? I usually think of Catholic priests and nuns. Didn't our clergy wear bright, colorful clothing adorned with gold and jewels?

Thu May 10, 01:47:00 PM 2012  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Great minds think alike. :)

In all seriousness, I think a commenter on DovBear's blog made the same point a few months ago, saying that the all-black-and-white-all-the-time garb of some our right-wing brethren was swiped straight from Catholic clergy.

Thu May 10, 02:22:00 PM 2012  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

Here's a little clarification, for those not yet acquainted with the term chukat goyim.

Thu May 10, 04:02:00 PM 2012  
Blogger Shira Salamone said...

For those of you who've read that whole Frum Satire post, here’s my response to Heshy.

Thu May 10, 04:36:00 PM 2012  

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